Confessions
by LetItOut07
Summary: September 24th seems years away to be able to watch that morning after that we're promised. I think this could be what happened between them once they shut the door. During 'Always'. 'I blew it up. And I managed to feel how my chest ached when you started pulling away. How it hurt to watch you arm in arm with another who wasn't me.'


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

He shook his head since he couldn't believe it. He looked again at his hand to find it was intertwined with Kate's as she was leading him to his bedroom. When they arrived to the middle of the room she stopped and took a few seconds before turning to him with a smile on her face and eyes filled with desire. Then, her hands started looking for his face and her lips searching for his to meet in a desperate way. He was a man of words. She was a woman of actions. As their tongues were fighting, he thought he had never been kissed with so much passion, need, urgency... love? _I just want you._ And then doubts started emerging to his mind.

She had been very clear but _did she love him?_ Maybe another look at her neck would dispel that stupid thoughts. He put his hands on her hips and started pulling back from her lips a little just to provoke her to grab him by his shirt and pull him towards her. She started leading him to the bed when his calf met the mattress but he was able to turn and land on top of her. As Rick's opened mouth was heading to her smooth neck, Kate thought she had lived that before. When their lips met, she managed to remember. _Damn writer._ He felt her smile like a prolongation of his lips when her mind flew away to two years ago, when he gave her a copy of his first Nikki Heat book and how he discovered her reading that hot scene in the bathroom of the precinct. But all of a sudden that smiled turned a scream when he rounded her with his arms and pressed her hard against him.

He looked at her with worried eyes. ''What's wrong?''

''Nothing. I'm fine.'' She lied between heavy breaths.

He looked at her and started undoing the rest of the buttons of her shirt.

''What the...?'' he said when he saw her bruises on her ribs.

He passed his hand softly over her surgery scar to find a mark of what it seemed a shoe. His mind started telling him what it might had happened. _I almost died._ He closed his eyes. _Son of the..._ Afterwards, he slid her shirt over her shoulders to find another bruise, but a bigger one on her back. He stood up and tended her a hand.

''Come with me.''.

She didn't think twice before taking his hand. That time, it was Kate the one who was being led to the bathroom.

Next to the bath, he stopped, opened the tap and faced her.

''You have a bath. I'll prepare something hot for you. You relax. I'll bring you clean clothes.''.

Kate nodded and sat at the edge of the bath while he started looking in the cupboards for some towels. He turned around to find her struggling with her boots. He left the towels next to the bath.

''Let me help you. I've done this before.'' She started smiling. _The tiger._

After remembering some of the next-to-death experiences they went trough together, she realized she had some trousers on that she should take off. Her hands went towards her jeans to undo the button and zip. She started to pull her jeans off but it was specially hard since her skin was still wet and her trousers seemed to want to stay there forever. He watched curious her fray before taking her hands off and pulling off by himself the pants. On his knees, he felt the trousers were stuck to her skin so he pulled harder until she fell off her improvised seat and took land with her butt.

''I'm sorry.'' He said looking at Kate, who answered starting laughing and holding her head against the bath. Soon he joined her. Once her pants were off, Rick stood up and helped her. He was turning to leave but he couldn't resist to kiss her before heading to the kitchen.

Alone in the bathroom, Kate took off her underwear to get into the bath. She watched curious how Castle was coming in and out of the room, taking away her clothes, bringing her clean ones, offering her a cup of hot chocolate which she accepted with a smile... But... why wasn't he there, with her, into the bath? Four years waiting for that and he was just wandering around? She submerged into the water. Her mind relieved the past weeks. _Did he get to forget her? _Ridiculous thoughts. But a part of her was afraid her mind wasn't telling her ridiculous thoughts. _She wanted him._ Maybe it wasn't enough for him.

Castle was working like a mad man. He didn't count the times he got in and out of the bathroom, but they were many. He didn't used to wear woman clothes and since he didn't want to look into her mother or daughter's wardrobe, he chose a blue shirt, a pair of clean boxers and a baggy tracksuit pants for Kate. What he wanted was to carry her from the bath to the bed but making hot chocolate at night fills your brain with doubts, it seemed. _What if she isn't ready?_ Shut up. _What if she leaves in the morning before you wake up?_ She won't. _She needs someone tonight._ She isn't like that. He realized he needed to talk to her and get the things clear. It was better doing it now than later. Later could hurt more. And he was fed up of being hurt.

Kate took the last sip of her chocolate before getting out of the bath, dry herself with the towel and look for the amount of clothes Castle had offered her. She put on his boxers and undid the button of his blue shirt. She could smell the pleasant scent that emerged from his cloth and after a while breathing it with closed eyes, she decided it had been enough and hurried to put it on. She concluded that she wasn't wearing the tracksuit pants since the shirt covered her thighs and ended up just above her knee. She took the chocolate mug, the trousers and put the towel over her shoulder before getting out of the bathroom and going to the kitchen, where he would be waiting. But he wasn't there. Instead, he was sat on the couch and reading what it looked like a prospect for some kind of medicine. Frowning, she put the mug into the sink and left the pants on a breakfast stool. Drying her hair with the towel, she headed to the sofa, where Castle had open out a first aid kit.

''What you're doing?'' She asked as she sat next to him.

''I've seen how bad that bruises look and I found a cream that Alexis used to put on when she played soccer. I know what we're told about self administrating medicines but I'm sure this won't hurt.'' He described a circle with his index finger in the air. ''Turn around.''.

She obeyed and gave him her back. Kate felt him closer and lifting her shirt to feel something really cold that made her shiver. Rick noticed her reaction and said:

''I know, it's cold''

Soon, the warm of his hands massaging her back made her forget about the cold and start grinning but something felt wrong. _Why wasn't he trying to touch her in a cunning way? _The smile erased from her lips. She wanted him to round her with his arms, burying her into his chest. She wanted to jump him. But that didn't seem like happening. Once he had pulled down her shirt and she turned around to her previous position, Kate tried to kiss him in a way to say 'Thank you' but she found his cheek instead of what she was looking for.

She was about to ask what the hell was going on, exactly with that six words. Half an our ago he was kissing her in a way that made her even forget her name and now he preferred to be kissed on his cheek. She was opening her mouth to ask him but he got first.

''Beckett, we need to talk.''.

_Damn it._ That couldn't be happening. Her ridiculous thoughts got stronger on her brain. _No._ And she remembered every single word he pronounced when they argued.

He took a deep breath before taking the word:

''Kate, I want everything with you. And... right now... I can't go any further if you're not completely ready for everything that could come after. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find no one by my side.''.

_Phew._ Beckett felt a great relief when that words came out of his mouth and not others. But now she had to deal with everything she had been covering, everything she felt, everything she had been holding down the depths of her soul. _Supposing she had._ She got a bit closer, the necessary for their knees to meet so that she could place her hand on his. And she started letting everything out.

''Remember when I told you I was still going to therapy?'' He nodded ''I had to find peace with myself, putting me under control, deal with my PTSD... You might think my wall came down as a consequence of the work I was doing. It was like that at first. But after a while it became my priority. And I did it. I blew it up. And I managed to feel how my chest ached when you started pulling away. How it hurt to watch you arm in arm with another who wasn't me.'' She smiled and he felt how his heart sank. ''I got to the same page as you.''. With her hand on his and both on her chest so that he could feel her heartbeat, she placed her free one on his cheek and stuck her forehead to his. ''This is how I feel when you bring me every morning that cup of coffee.'' Her tears started filling her eyes. She didn't understand how she could be able to cry more than she had already cried. ''If you're afraid I'm leaving in the morning, you must know I won't. I wouldn't have come here if I hadn't felt the same way as you.'' She placed a loud kiss on his cheek. ''Rick, I...''

He didn't let her finish. He got her and made her lie on the coach. He started kissing her like if he could never get enough of it. Urgency, passion, need and yes, love were the ingredients of their kisses. When their lips hurt and they stopped, they looked into each other's eyes to realize they had time. They had the whole night. And the whole morning. Soon their kisses lost the need and the urgency but kept the passion. He sat down back and dragged her to his lap. There, he placed his forehead against her temple as one hand looked for her shirt and undid two buttons of it, just what he needed to see her shoot scar. With his index and middle finger, he started caressing it. That made her think of her wall, the one she had built in order not to get hurt. _How could he hurt her?_ Well, he did the previous weeks, but he had a point. Now that the wall was down, she was exposed. _He'd better not hurt her._ He placed his hand on her side and kissed softly the round scar. Suddenly, he remembered he had forgotten.

''Oops. I forgot to put cream on your side.'' He said while he put a bit of it on his hand and slid it under her shirt towards her side.

That time, he didn't catch her on her reaction but she got what she expected. That time, he did touch her in a cunning way. As his palm was massaging her ribs, his thumb held up on her breast just a little, but enough for her to notice it.

''You think I'm not noticing what you're doing?'' She whispered to his ear.

''What surprises me the most is that you haven't crossed my face yet.'' He said as he pulled his hand back and removed the rests of the cream on a napkin.

''Maybe that's because I want you to do it.'' And she bit the lobe of his ear.

_Wait._ Was she telling him to touch her? _No._ She sat astride him and put his hands on her thighs. _Yes. _And then he felt her lips on his mouth, neck and throat. Her fingers on his shirt, undoing it. Her hands on his chest, parting the cloth from the skin. Then on his arms, back to his shoulders and then down to his abdomen. Her lips ruled his mouth for a while, what made him move his hands up and down her legs. One of his hands reached her bottom and gripped it. Kate smiled, which allowed him to end their kiss with a lip bit. She undid Rick's jeans and said:

''Castle?''

''Bed?'' he suggested.

''Now.''.

Castle stood up with Beckett on his lap to start their way to his bedroom. She intertwined her legs around his back and lost her hands on his hair. He had to stop and hold Kate against the study door since his trousers were falling so he shook his legs in order to get rid of them. She was watching that as her teeth found his neck, which made him hurry to get to his bed. There, he lied her on the mattress but when he was about to lie on top of her, Kate crawled to the middle of the bed but dragged him with her. Then, their opened mouths met, their tongues played with the other's and their hands wanted to touch every inch of the other's body. His lips separated from her mouth in order to head to her cheek, her ear and her neck. His hands found her shirt and started undoing the buttons, followed by his lips which were placing kisses on her throat, her neckline, her scar, between her boobs, her abdomen, her navel and stopped when they found cloth. It was weird for him to undo his own clothes but it was Kate's body revealing underneath them. She struggled to take off his shirt, something that wasn't possible until he shook his arms helping her. With his head on her stomach, he put his hands on her hips, found the boxers and started pulling softly. And then he saw it.

''So it was true. You do have a tattoo.'' he stated as he kissed softly a butterfly next to her hip bone. He should have seen it in the bathroom but his mind was very busy building up doubts.

''I think I told you.''. She said as she used her elbows to sit up on the bed.

''Yes, but I thought you were just playing with me. Like your navel ring.'' and he repeated the same process he had done on her tattoo but on her navel.

That made her contract the muscles of her abdomen. He saw her closing her eyes, frowning and breathing heavily when he looked at her. He knew he could have that effect on her but he had never experienced it. He put his hands on his shoulders and lied her back. One of them got lost between her dumped hair while the other stuck on her cheek. Chest to chest, he asked:

''Why a butterfly?''

_Let's see._ Did he stop undressing her just to listen to a story?

''It's a long story.'' She concluded.

He got closer to her lips but let the necessary distance for him to talk.

''I've got the whole night to listen to it and to... You know.''.

She smiled. ''You're the novelist.'' She kissed his upper lip. ''You tell me.''.

He got back the hand he lost on her hair and put it on her hip. His thumb started describing circles on her boxers, just where the tattoo was.

''Okay.'' he stared at some point of the room while she was still looking at his eyes. ''I think when you were seventeen. You were part of a girl biker band all dressed on leather trousers and jackets. And you all tattooed that butterfly like a sign for you.'' he slid his hand over her side parting the shirt from her skin, up to her boob and left it there. ''You bad girl on a Harley-Davidson.''.

Although her heart has racing and she knew he could feel it, she got to give him one of her interrogation looks and asked:

''Really? Are you going with that?''

_No. Of course he wasn't. _But he didn't want to say out loud why he thought she had marked herself like that. He knew why. But he didn't know what it meant. Although he knew it wasn't something it would be nice to talk about. His hand left her breast and went back to her hair.

''Okay. No, I'm not going with that. But I can sense it isn't nice. I'm sure you were not seventeen. You were older. I would say nineteen, probably you had turned twenty. I think it is something related to your mum's death. What I don't know is what the butterfly means.''.

He looked at her caressing her cheek but what he didn't expect was her to put his hands on his cheeks and kiss him. She felt that now she could talk about her mother's murder without feeling angry or annoyed.

''Kate, you don't have to talk about it if...''

''No. No. I will'' she whispered ''You're right. I was about to turn twenty. My mother had been killed months ago and I felt how my world crumbled. How when I went back home from collage my mother wasn't there and my father could empty a bottle in a matter of minutes. You noticed the butterfly has its wings ripped off?'' He nodded ''It represents how you can build dreams and then life beats you. The way you build castles on the sand and the sea takes them away. The dreams I had or the life I would like for me are that butterfly. And it is not going to fly. That's what happened to me.''

He remembered some talks they had along these four years and probably knew what her dreams were.

She looked how ridiculous that scene was. Confessions late at night almost naked. But she felt good. Soon she realized he was the first man that knew the story behind the ink. And she made him know.

''Now you're the first man that knows about it.''

''Really? And what have you told your boyfriends?''

''Umm... The thing about the Harley-Davidson.''

They looked into each other's eyes and burst laughing out. He doubted Kate had told Sorenson, Demming or Josh that she formed part of a biker's band. But he knew he was the first one who was told about the real story. He gave her a soft kiss on her lips.

''You know what?'' he asked.

''What?''

''Life might has taken away your dreams or life your castles. But there's a castle built on top of you. And sea is not going to take me away. I'm staying here, with you''. He said sinking his eyes on her look.

She smiled, kissed his cheek and said:

''Always?''

''Always.''

And then he was ready to bury himself on her, so he rounded her with his arms and a racing heart. He was received with a pounding one.


End file.
